


Embrace Life's Oddities to Keep Your Sanity

by AngelWithAStory



Series: Immortality Comes At a Price and We Pay For It With Crime [7]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Fake AH Crew, Fluff and Humor, Immortal Fake AH Crew, Multi, Slice of Life, fem!Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4180014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWithAStory/pseuds/AngelWithAStory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack didn't expect an intervention first thing in the morning.<br/>And she really didn't expect Ryan and Gavin to be the ones leading it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Truth is Stranger than Fiction

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE FINISHED MY EXAMS SO I NO LONGER MUST FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WRITING THIS AU!!!! 
> 
> but seriously, I now have like, 7 weeks off school until I start 6th form so I may well write a lot.

Jack didn't expect an intervention first thing in the morning.

And she really didn't expect Ryan and Gavin to be the ones leading it.

"Jack? Can we talk?" Ryan asked, standing up straight, his hands folded together neatly in front of him. Gavin stood next to him, his sunglasses off and tucked into the collar of his shirt, standing openly in a non threatening manner. He had a stillness about him that Jack knew only came about when Gavin was negotiating something serious: like a hostage situation, or who should be the one to meet with dangerous connections.

_That_ tipped her off more than anything: Gavin was in ' _professional_ ' mode.

The pair were stood in the kitchen, standing so Jack had to go past them if she wanted to get something to eat.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, looking at them suspiciously. Ray was sat on the couch, DS in hand, pretending that he wasn't listening to every single word said.

"We just want to talk, Jack." Ryan said calmly.

"About what?" Jack asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"We want to talk about your clothes." Gavin spoke up, gesturing to Jack's loud Hawaiian shirt and canary yellow shorts.

"What about my clothes?" Jack asked, looking down at the outfit.

"You need better ones." Ryan said gently, nodding his head absently. Jack laughed until she realised they were serious. "It's unprofessional at this point."

"The Fake AH Crew has a certain image to maintain as a business, and the ridiculously bright clothes doesn't fit it." Gavin said carefully, choosing his words.

"So you're saying I need to get some work clothes?" Jack asked, sounding more amused than anything.

"Just some clothes to make you less conspicuous when we're doing business. Just so we all maintain a more professional image, especially now because of the important meeting next week." Ryan said. "And as a show of good faith, Gavin and I have offered to take you shopping today."

"Alright, I'll humour you." Jack said. "But I get to pick where we go afterwards."

"Deal." Gavin agreed.

"I, personally, _love_ your style, Jack." Ray spoke up, not turning around on the couch. He was still furiously mashing buttons.

"Ray you get a bigger cut on the next heist." Jack said over her shoulder. Ryan walked over to where Ray was sat and bent down next to Ray's ear.

"Traitor." He hissed, frowning at Ray's smirk.

"I'll buy you something pretty with my larger cut." Ray said smugly. "Something expensive."

"I expect diamonds." Ryan teased.

"We'll see." Ray replied cockily.

"Ryan? Are you driving?" Jack asked, holding the keys to one of the cars downstairs in her hand.

"Yeah I'll drive." Ryan said, catching the keys that Jack threw to him. Jack left the apartment, tucking a small gun into her waistband as she left and concealing it perfectly. Ryan's firearm was hidden in his jacket and Gavin's was in his jeans waistband as well.

"Have fun clothes shopping." Ray said, smirking still.

"Have fun with your playdate." Ryan replied.

"Going to the arcade isn't a playdate, Ryan." Gavin spoke up.

"They're going to the arcade." Ryan said skeptically. "It's a playdate."

"Fuck off Ryan." Ray said, but there was no real bite in his voice.

"Have fun on your playdate!" Ryan called over his shoulder, leaving the apartment. Gavin just sighed, put on his sunglasses, and followed suit.


	2. Strange Encounters of the Deadly Kind

Whenever Ryan drove, he drove fast and he drove recklessly. Anyone and anything that ended up in front of his bumper was fair game.

Today was no exception as Ryan weaved through traffic to get to the shopping district. He only slowed down to park neatly in the shopping centre car park.

It was infinitely amusing to the Crew that Ryan could mow down an entire street of people in cold blood but he refused to be _that guy_ who parked badly.

The three of them entered the most expensive clothes store in the shopping centre and Gavin saw how the cashier and assistants froze, watching them with fear and apprehension. Ryan and Jack noticed as well, they just knew they weren't here to steal or murder. Just some honest clothes shopping.

The three of them split off, searching the rails of clothes for 'appropriate business clothes', as Ryan put it. Jack still tried to pick the brightest/weirdest clothes she could, which Gavin and Ryan vetoed, while they picked out clothes that Jack just frowned at and then quickly put back.

Eventually, between the three of them, they had amassed a few options that filled the criteria and Ryan had practically shoved Jack into the changing room to make sure they fit.

Ryan didn't like how many pictures the cashier was taking, thinking they were being sneaky. He was dreading the twitter hashtag and subsequent news story that would follow.

' _Fake AH Crew mercenaries caught clothes shopping for female co-leader_ '

He groaned internally at the idea, and was tempted to threaten the cashier to delete the photos.

"Hey Ryan." Gavin said, snapping Ryan out of his thoughts. He turned to look at the Brit and felt Gavin push something onto his head over his skull mask. "Smile." Gavin said, taking a quick picture on his phone and turning it to show Ryan.

Gavin had picked up a light grey top hat off the shelf and put it on Ryan, slightly crumpling the skull mask under it. Ryan saw the picture and couldn't help laughing (which freaked out the shop workers to say the least).

"It's like I'm a fancy Ghost Rider." Ryan said, pulling back his shoulders a bit.

"Don't set yourself on fire in the store!" Jack shouted at them from inside the changing room. Gavin laughed at the way Ryan's shoulder's slumped sheepishly in response. The image was ridiculous and did nothing to reassure the still frightened workers, who were watching them. Gavin took a few more pictures and then, presumably, sent them to the rest of the crew.

Jack opened the door and Ryan snapped out of his sulk to look at her. Gavin looked up from the message he was sending.

Ryan gave a low whistle and Gavin gave a thumbs up, holding his phone precariously in his fist.

"Looks good on you, Jack." Gavin said, examining the outfit critically.

The outfit consisted of long khaki-coloured trousers, a blouse and waistcoat and an ascot that Jack tied loosely around her neck.

"Something's missing." Ryan said, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"Yeah, it's _nice_ , but it's not quite _top_." Gavin agreed, tilting his head to the other side. "It needs a _bit_ more Jack."

Ryan suddenly straightened his back and reached up to remove the top hat from his head. He walked over to Jack and carefully placed it on her head, twisting it slightly to centre it.

"Aw, that's _perfect_ , Ryan." Gavin said, his accent momentarily thickening.

Jack looked at herself in the mirror and minutely adjusted the top hat. She nodded resolutely and turned back to the other two.

"I'm getting this one." She said.

"That's definitely the one." Gavin agreed.

"Are we done here then?" Ryan asked.

"I'll just buy these then I get to pick where we go next." Jack said, turning around to get changed into her own clothes.

"Michael's pissing himself over you in the top hat." Gavin said casually, going back to his phone.

"He's just jealous he doesn't look as good as me in a top hat." Ryan said, shrugging. There was a short, sharp laugh from the direction of the changing room and Ryan frowned behind his mask.

"Geoff is too." Gavin said, looking up from his phone at Ryan briefly.

"How many people did you send that picture to?" Ryan asked.

"Just Michael, Lindsay and Ray. Michael just showed it to Geoff." Gavin replied.

"Oh yeah, they're getting tailored together." Ryan said quietly, as if to himself.

"Oh! Ray just replied." Gavin said, opening the conversation. "He says can you get one in black so he can become Tuxedo Ray."

"Does Ray _own_ a tuxedo?" Ryan asked, a smirk in his voice.

"I'll ask him." Gavin said, typing the message furiously. The reply came quickly. "He says if he had the top hat he'd have a reason to go out and buy one." Ryan laughed and leaned against a table of shoes that Gavin was perched on.

"Tell him maybe for his next birthday." Ryan said. Gavin typed the reply as Jack stepped out the changing room, the outfit draped over her arm and the top hat in her other hand. She went to the cash register and smiled at the cashier.

"Did you find everything you needed?" The cashier asked nervously, their voice shaking a bit. Jack nodded and pulled her purse out of her pocket. She was taking money out but Ryan had already handed over the money. He just shrugged at Jack's questioning look.

"You're buying lunch." Ryan said simply. Jack laughed and took the bag.

"Looks like I'm taking you boys out for lunch." Jack said, walking back to where Gavin was. "Ryan, do you have the keys?" She asked.

"Yeah." Ryan said, pulling them out his pocket and throwing them neatly to Jack, who caught them expertly.

"Then let's go." She said, walking towards the door. Ryan opened it for her and let Jack and Gavin through first, following them to the car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still figuring out the rest of the story so I'm going to apologise in advance if the gaps between chapters is long/uneven...


	3. Pseudo-Familial Bonding to Suit Everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~excuse the bad title joke~~
> 
> so i've just 'bout recovered from my prom a few days ago and now I've got my whole summer holidays in front of me. Maybe I'll actually get some writing done in that time

Geoff spread his arms out and sucked in his gut, slowly releasing his breath. 

Reluctantly, Michael did the same, deciding to follow Geoff's lead. 

The tailors silently took their measurements, adjusting the suit jackets accordingly and making little marks with the chalk. They only needed the suits adjusted, since Michael refused to get that done when he bought the damn jacket in the first place. 

"So Michael," Geoff started, looking over at the younger man. "How's everything with you and Lindsay?" He asked. 

"It's good." Michael replied, nodding absently. 

"Nothing new?" Geoff probed. Michael knew what Geoff wanted to talk about, but he also knew that he didn't want to be the one to talk to him about it. 

"We redid the kitchen in our apartment." Michael said conversationally. He didn't like getting suit's made and tailored, mainly because he didn't like the feeling of people's hands all over him. Reminded him too much of the desperate struggle to stop a bleeding wound or to carry a dead friend back to the trench. 

Geoff snorted. 

"You still go to your apartment?" Geoff asked sarcastically. 

"Yeah, when we can't stand the sound of you and Jack banging." Michael quipped, causing Geoff to laugh loudly. 

"No, that's Ryan and Ray." Geoff said, lowering his arm when the tailor gently tapped it. 

The people there knew Geoff by name and knew to never tell it, unless they wanted to eat bullets. He'd been getting his suits made there since they opened over fifty years ago. They were yet to comment on the lack of ageing. 

Geoff liked them for that.

"Have they banged yet? They've been giving each other heart eyes for months now." Michael said, glad for the diversion. 

"Probably banging every night." Geoff said. 

"At least then the tension would be gone whenever they're in the same room." Michael said. Geoff was quiet for a minute, thinking through his words. 

"You know, Gavin hasn't been as much of a prick lately." Geoff said conversationally. Michael knew what the real meaning of that statement was: ' _Gavin's seemed happier lately_ '.

"Maybe he's finally growing up." Michael said, shrugging. 

"Maybe you and Lindsay are a good influence on him." Geoff said. "You three have gotten closer lately." 

"Geoff-" Michael began. 

"Just tell me you know what you're doing." Geoff said over him. The sincerity of his voice made Michael falter. "I don't want any of you to get hurt because you all think different things." 

"We know what we're doing, Geoff." Michael said as earnestly as he could. "I promise. We've talked about this." 

"Good." Geoff said resolutely. "Do I have to give you the shovel talk?" He asked, trying to inject some humour back into the conversation. It worked and Michael laughed. 

"You're scary as dicks, Geoff, there's no need." Michael said honestly. 

"I will say this though," Geoff said, stepping off the raises step and shrugging off the jacket, "if I catch any of you banging outside the bedrooms, you're all sleeping on the balcony." 

Michael laughed hard at that, and it felt like normal. His phone went off in his jeans pocket and Michael fished it out. He looked down at his phone, checking a message from Gavin. A photo was attached: it was slightly blurry but it was definitely a picture of Ryan in his black mask in a top hat. The absurdity of the picture and it's unexpectedness set Michael off again and he just turned the phone around to show Geoff. They both just laughed in the middle of the tailor's. 

Michael quickly saved the photo to his phone and sent a quick reply to Gavin as Geoff did the talking. 

The tailor told Geoff the suit jackets would be ready in a day and Geoff quietly paid the man, shrugging his old suit jacket on and buttoning it up. Michael waited outside by the car, already back into his familiar leather jacket. 

"Now, Michael," Geoff said, leaving the tailor's with renewed confidence. "How about we get some drinks?"

"If you're paying, sure." Michael said, getting into the drivers seat. 

 


	4. Nirvan-Arcade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long since I've updated this and now I've actually finished it, I'm just going to upload the final two chapters now :3

"Ready to go, Ray?" Lindsay asked, leaning over the back of the sofa where Ray was sat, paying on his DS. 

"Hell yeah." Ray said, quickly saving his game. He jumped over the back of the couch while Lindsay grabbed two bike helmets from beside the front door. Ray grabbed some keys and threw them to Lindsay as she gently tossed him a helmet. 

“I am going to  destroy you at air hockey.” Ray said cockily,  grabbing an inconspicuous backpack and heading towards the garage. 

“HA! I’d like to see you try.” Lindsay said, following him, not forgetting to lock the door behind her. 

 

The arcade on the pier was full of children skipping school, bored teenagers who were also skipping school, young couples enjoying the sun and a few college students who  really shouldn’t have been skipping school. No one really paid them much attention as they parked their motorcycle and left their helmets with it. It wasn’t as if they couldn’t replace them. Ray immediately spotted an air hockey table and ran to find the token machine.  Lindsay just laughed and took her place at one end of the air hockey table.

As it turned out, Lindsay was true to her word. She  decimated Ray.

“YES! Booyah bitch!” Lindsay exclaimed happily, throwing her arms in the air to celebrate her victory.

“Bullshit! Rematch, right now.” Ray demanded, putting another token into the machine.

Ray  nearly won the second game. He only lost by one point. 

“You’re just better at video games, Ray.” Lindsay said casually, shrugging. 

“Fine, then I challenge you to…” Ray said, looking around the arcade games. “ That  game!” He pointed dramatically to a shooter game on the other side of the arcade.

“As long as you don’t mind being beaten.” Lindsay replied, a cocky smile on her face. 

As it turned out, Ray  was better at the shooter game (surprise, surprise) but Lindsay still managed to hold her own. 

They spent the rest of the day like that, challenging each other to  various games in the arcade until they ran out of tokens. They ended up pretty even in terms of the win/loss ratio. 

“Let’s go get food, I’m starving.” Lindsay said, riding a high from her last victory. 

“Fine, but you’re paying.” Ray said, huffily. 

Once they’d got their food, they took a short stroll down the pier itself. 

“We should bring the others sometime.” Lindsay said, wiping some ketchup from the corner of her mouth from the hotdog. 

“Eh, they’d  just find a way to blow it up.” Ray said, shrugging. 

“That’s true. But we could at least go on some rides before that.” Lindsay said.

“What, like a date night?” Ray asked, some humour in his voice. 

“Yeah, you can bring Ryan.” Lindsay said. 

“And you can bring Michael and Gav?” Ray asked. 

“Then we’ll ditch Geoff and Jack.” Lindsay said happily. “And ride the ferris wheel to victory!” Ray laughed but he stopped dead in his tracks. Lindsay turned and frowned in confusion, before following where Ray was looking and nodding in understanding. 

“It’s a cheeseburger umbrella.” Ray said in awe. “I want that cheeseburger umbrella.” 

A small plan was forming in Lindsay’s mind and she quickly threw away the rest of their hotdogs. 

“I’ll get the motorcycle, wait for my signal.” Lindsay said, walking as inconspicuously as she could to where they parked the motorcycle. She left the helmets (they hardly ever wore them anyway) and revved the motorcycle, tearing down the pier. 

“NOW!” She shouted. Ray immediately collapsed the umbrella and tucked it under his arm. Lindsay swerved the motorcycle so it stopped next to Ray, giving him time to jump on the back of the seat. 

“Go Lindsay, go!” Ray shouted, balancing the collapsed umbrella under Lindsay’s arm and on the dashboard. Lindsay revved and shot off, maneuvering off the pier and ignoring the shouts of other civilians. Police sirens echoed in the distance and Lindsay swore through her laughter.

“Hold the umbrella!” Ray shouted over the sounds of traffic. Lindsay took one hand off the handlebars and tucked the umbrella close to her body. Ray took his hands off the back of the seat and shrugged off his backpack, pinning it between them. He took out a SMG and loaded a clip into it. 

“Don’t tell Michael!” Ray shouted jokingly, grabbing Lindsay’s shoulder and turning around to shoot at the cops cars. 

Lindsay just laughed and sped up, weaving in and out of traffic. 

“Buy me a drink next time, Ray!” She said, drawing a laugh out of Ray as he shot out the tyres of the cop car right behind them, causing it to crash into another and setting off a chain explosion that allowed them to race to the apartment. 


	5. Hashtag Hell

Lindsay and Ray were the first to arrive back at the apartment first and they both carried the cheeseburger umbrella through, propping it up in the corner of the front room, against a window.

By the time the others arrived home, Ray was sat on the couch with his DS again and Lindsay was sat on a stool in the kitchen.

"So how was your playdate?" Ryan teased, vaulting over the back of the couch and landing beside Ray. He'd abandoned the mask and his smile was a bit unusual with the face paint on.

Ray groaned dramatically and flopped backwards against the couch cushions. Gavin and Michael were sat on the other couch, exchanging photos taken that day.  

"It wasn't a playdate! We went to the arcade because all you assholes were doing stuff and we were bored!" Ray half-exclaimed. Ryan just chuckled and affectionately pushed Ray a bit.

“What is that umbrella doing in the apartment?” Geoff asked, taking a beer bottle out of the fridge and passing another one to Jack.

“We found it at the pier.” Lindsay said, not looking up from her phone.

“What do you mean by ‘found’?” Michael asked.

“I found it and Lindsay helped me steal it.” Ray said.

“Well I’m glad you had an eventful day.” Jack said, taking a drink of her beer with a smile on her face.

"Have you guys seen this?" Lindsay asked, jumping off the stool dramatically.

"Seen what?" Gavin asked. All eyes watched Lindsay as she went to the TV and turned on a show that every member of the Fake AH Crew avoided because it was 90% gossip and the rest annoying TV personalities.

Three pictures were onscreen along with the presenter: one of Ryan putting the top hat on Jack, one of Geoff with his hand on Michael's shoulder outside of the tailor's, and the third was a blurry picture of Ray and Lindsay on a motorcycle down a highway, the umbrella nestled between them.

"Turn it up." Jack said, watching the screen curiously. Lindsay turned the volume on and they all listened to the presenter.

" _Social media has gone crazy today and the Fake AH Crew has been seen not once, not twice, but three separate groups of the infamous gang have been seen around Los Santos. Twitter went wild after this picture was posted._ " The poor-quality camera phone picture of Ryan putting the top hat on Jack took up half the screen.

" _Everyone went_ mad _with speculation but the biggest question everyone wants answered is: are the Vagabond and Pattillo_ dating?" A second presenter said. The TV audience started whispering and discussing onscreen.

"Wot?!" Gavin exclaimed, more amused than surprised.

" _Not only have rumours of gang romance been thrown around, but speculation of the Fake AH Crew being a family business has been thought to be confirmed when this picture of the Crew leader, Ramsey, and Crew member Jones was posted with the caption_ 'overheard Ramsey calling him 'son' when they left a bar together. #FakeAHDayOut',"

"Oh God, there's hashtag ?" Ryan complained, running his hand over his face.

" _The hashtag_ 'FakeAHDayOut' _went viral after this picture was uploaded and hundreds of people flocked together, posting accounts and theories._ " The first presenter said. "

Then the third picture of sharpshooter Brownman and TuggLife tearing down the city motorway, sharing a motorcycle was posted and everyone flocked to Twitter to have their say. Apparently rumours of an affair have been circulating after another image of the Crew member TuggLife was brought up where you could see a wedding ring ! " The audience made ' oooohhh ' noises and the presenters nodded solemnly, but still smiling.

" _So let's see what our audience thinks._ " The second presenter said, walking amongst the audience.

"Turn it off." Ryan said. He sounded tired as he rubbed his eyes, smearing the face paint slightly. The Crew knew that Ryan dyed his hair - he never bothered hiding to bottles of black dye - but it was still weird to see the slight blonde regrowth that was usually hidden by the mask.

Lindsay shut the TV off and let the silence fall over them as they processed this information.

Or she would have if it didn't become evident that Geoff was pissing himself laughing.

They all looked at him and found Geoff actually lying on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying.

"They're- so stupid." Geoff managed to get out, drawing in lungfuls of air. He picked himself up but leaned heavily against the breakfast counter as he laughed.

"We're a hashtag. We're actually a hashtag. This is what we've come to." Ryan said

"It's got half a million tweets." Gavin said, scrolling through the twitter feed on his phone.

"Seriously?" Michael asked, taking his phone off him and looking through it. "Holy shit. People are just telling stories about us at this point. One person just tweeted ' _once they robbed my store and I saw Free take a selfie with a burning police car_ '." He read out, smirking.

"Gavin!" Lindsay exclaimed happily.

"What?! It looked cool." Gavin protested.

"So this is our life now?" Ryan asked.

"Holy shit Geoff just tweeted into the hashtag and it has over a hundred favourites already." Michael said, laughing at Gavin's phone.

"Give me my phone back!" Gavin grabbed his phone out of Michael's hand and read the tweet.

"What does the tweet say?" Ray asked eagerly.

"' _Once again, the media are idiots. They are all my children and Jack is the mom. Even Vagabond is my son. They're our babies.'_ " Michael read out.

"Aww, Geoff." Ray said monotonically.

"Both me and Gavin are older than both of you. By a _lot_ ." Ryan pointed out.

"Don't talk to your parents that way Ryan." Lindsay teased.

"Yeah, Ryan," Geoff said, his fits of laughter fading. "Show your father some respect."

"You're not my dad!" Ryan protested.

"We have given this family everything and this is how you repay us." Jack spoke up, putting a hand to her chest in mock hurt. "Go to your room young man."

"Jack, not you too." Ryan grumbled.

Any reply that could have been made was stopped when Gavin's phone started ringing. He quickly answered it and went down the hallway so the others couldn't eavesdrop.

"B!" Gavin exclaimed happily. "I know, it's mental.... Nah, it's all rubbish. They'd never dream of it.... He looked funny! 'S not my fault... I know, B... Thanks for the heads up. Still up for Halo tomorrow? ... Top. Talk to you later, B."

Gavin turned back around and saw the group looking at him expectantly.

"That was Dan. He says the news outlets want the stories so there's a chance they'll try and follow us around." Gavin said, shrugging.

"This is our life now." Ryan said, staring at the ceiling blankly.

"Yep." Ray said, patting Ryan's shoulder absently. "Embrace it, dude."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaand, It's done. I already have another idea for the next part, and I might get it up before September, even though I'm going to be busy for about a month solid, I'll try :/
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this and/or left a kudos, you're all amazing and thank you for supporting this series.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to think Gavin's 'professional mode' is similar to how he is in Slow Mo Guys videos...
> 
> also, I made a 8tracks playlist for [Ryan](http://8tracks.com/shotgunangel/the-vagabond-lives-on) and [Gavin](http://8tracks.com/shotgunangel/resident-fuck-up) so far based on the series if you want to listen to them


End file.
